Jimmy Kimmel rips everyone up in the Upfront Roast; Kovid tested positive today –

Unlike the Upfront, Jimmy Kimmel did not return to the stage in NYC today for the first time since 2019. Having tested positive for the Covid-19 today, the late night host had to change plans and actually attend to pick up a flamethrower. Some of Disney’s executives, streaming dreams and new offers.

Introducing a full-blown bell and whistle-blowing presentation by House of Mouse Brass and top-level talent in the absence of CEO Bob Chepek in person at the tail end of Basketball City at Pier 36, two years after the protein Kimmel epidemic, the provocative virtual was still in subtle and fiery form. After Netflix and all their rivals Disney, ripped through “Smag George”, he declared, “We’re not faking you, we’re telling stories.” “Just remember, this company owns everything … we’re Disney.”

Even with its own recognized high quality, this year’s nearly 15-minute routine had something for everyone and everyone, with more bites than ever before – and one or two slaps, if you know what I mean?

Here are some of Kimmel’s best zoom-in afternoon ginger:

Bob prints
A Disney CEO has never spoken before and now we know why. Bob – I think I speak for all of us when I say “we can’t wait to see you on GI Gen 2.

Disney
Disney has since been so committed to being inclusive and culturally sensitive… everyone is starting to get mad at us. But what do you expect? We are 100 people. This company is one hundred years old. It’s our 100th anniversary – and we’re going to celebrate the milestone that only Disney can do – by milking live shit! “100 years of wonder.” That show Fred Savage hasn’t been fired since last week?

Bachelor franchise
A lot of people are asking how we’re going to keep the bachelor franchise fresh – and the answer is very simple. We don’t. We’re going to do the same thing until everyone has herpes.

Fox
How about those fuckers at Fox yesterday? After two years of telling everyone that Covid is a hoax, they cheat on you to take you to Uber to watch a tape! Can they do it? And more importantly, why didn’t we do it?

Netflix
Every year I say, f * ck Netflix. This year it came true.
I have to admit, it’s really nice to see those little girls suffocating our lives year after year, to see their ad tend to sell.

NBC
The only thing sadder than the final of This Is Us was the rating of the Winter Olympics
They are rebooting Quantum Leap and Night Court. That’s not a fall schedule. You can find those tapes in your dead uncle’s VCR.

ABC
We don’t have 14 shows about the Olympics, Young’s Dieldon or Chicago – but you know what we have? Nathan f * cking Fillion.

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